some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize