My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
