she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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