i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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