Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
