She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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