im six kinds of drunk right now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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