i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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