if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize