My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
