I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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