I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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