I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
