I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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