currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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