life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
