just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
