Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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