dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
