An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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