sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
