I think I am morally bankrupt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
