New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
