Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
