ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
