hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
