chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
