last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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