he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
