I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
