would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
