If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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