she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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