I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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