Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
