What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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