Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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