so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
