We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
