True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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