The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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