Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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