you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize