Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
