My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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