I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
