PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize