i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
