She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Randomize
