I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
