I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
