Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
