you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
