i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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