you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize