Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
