I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
