plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
