She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
