The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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