K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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