Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
