Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
