the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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