Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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